NOTE: For those uninitiated to the legendary tales of "Sexy Rexy," click here, here and here to get fully educated. The language in these links is VERY mature, but unfortunately it's impossible to censor the Sex Cannon. Now, back to our show:
1. "Holy crap. Aren't these the same turds in the secondary we scored 41 points on in the first half last year? I'm gonna pump this ball deep in the end zone all night, even if no one's open. That's how the Sex Cannon rolls. I command this offense with 210 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal."
Well to be fair, it wasn't exactly the same secondary. But I wouldn't be surprised if Rex couldn't tell the difference. The 49ers started FS Mike Adams, SS Mark Roman and CBs Walt Harris, Shawntae Spencer and Sammy Davis during the 41-10 rout the Bears put on the Niners last season. On Saturday, the 49ers started newcomers in CB Nate Clements and FS Michael Lewis with Roman, Harris and Spencer filling out their usual roles (Sammy Davis, you are not missed).
However, the results weren't much different. Both Harris and Spencer got completely burned during the first half by Bernard Berrian (yes, I know Spencer fell, but good CBs don't fall, my fellow fan), and as a result, Rexstacy & the Bears were up 17-0 before I finished my first beer of the night.
Here's where I get critical. I know 49ers fans are usually high on both Spencer and Harris, but I honestly don't have a ton of confidence in either of them regarding their pass coverage skills. I have never thought Shawntae Spencer was anything more than a serviceable corner. And yes, Walt Harris made the Pro Bowl last year, but looking at the tape, a good number of his interceptions last year were just lame ducks quarterbacks recklessly tossed into DEEP into coverage (guilty parties include Seattle's Seneca Wallace and Matt Hasselbeck and Oakland's Andrew Walter).
And yes, Harris did pick off a short Grossman pass in the second quarter and took it to the house, but it's the long, over-the-shoulder bombs I worry about with Harris, not Sexy Rexy's bad passes (go watch last season's game against Green Bay and try to feel good about the deep ball). It's not a popular sentiment, but both Spencer and Harris have a lot to prove in my book before the 49ers should rest easy concerning their secondary.
Oh, Nate Clements is worth every penny the 49ers are paying him. Preach it.
2. "Damn! I've got all the friggin' time in the world back here. Rex needs a cold cerveza to quench his thirst. Hey running back man! Hold the ball for me back here while I go to the concession stand. Or get Orton to do it if he's not too drunk already. Maybe I'll get a pretzel too. Or maybe a churro ..."
49ers pass rush? That's funny. From where I stand, I have no idea what the problem is OR if there is a reason to be worried. Is Manny "Man-Law" Lawson just too skinny to get through the line? Is Tully Banta-Cain really just a mediocre player and not the pass-rushing savior fans were hoping for? Do the injuries keeping Aubrayo Franklin and Bryant Young off the field really matter that much?
My optimistic side says that the 49ers are simply choosing to not show their blitz packages in the preseason, and that it's no biggie. Yet every time I watch Man-Law and Banta-Cain try to rush from the outside, only to get swallowed up by the O-line, I die a little inside. Rex, on the other hand, now looks like a Pro Bowl candidate thanks to the 49ers' stellar rush.
3. "Hell yes, Chicago. Now that is a fine brew. The Sex Cannon only drinks the best beer in the house ... or Miller High Life if it's a time of celebration. Hey, Orton! Isn't that guy the coach-dude who likes to wear the fancy suits all the time? How long you think that dude will have a job anyway? I wish I could play in a suit. Then Rexstacy could be open for sexy business all the time. Respect the Sex Cannon."
There was an interesting moment (for me at least) during the fourth quarter of Saturday's game regarding 49ers coach Mike Nolan. After receiving a pass from Trent Dilfer, Delanie "D-Love" Walker fumbled the ball deep in Chicago territory and the Bears' Danieal Manning recovered. It was par for the course the way the night was going.
After the officials signaled that Chicago had indeed recovered the fumble, the television broadcast cut straight to a close-up of Mike Nolan on the sideline, displaying a look I have never seen before from the Suited One. Usually when games go bad, Nolan puts on his angry-and-annoyed-but-kind of-honestly-surprised-that-the-49ers-still-suck-so-badly-face. In the past, you could sympathize with his plight when he put on that face. I mean, frankly, how are you supposed to win games with "football players" like Sammy Davis, Kwame Harris and a one-eyed Derek Smith (who has looked good all preseason by the way) in your starting lineup? It was just kind of something 49ers fans had grown to accept — the post-Mariucci 49ers are not expected to win come any given Sunday.
But this was a different look. When the broadcast cut to Nolan, he looked taken aback, as if he hadn't ever pictured year three of the Alex Smith Experiment going so wrong. In fact, he almost looked a little like this guy.
Now I'm not trying to stir up anything regarding the collective confidence in our head coach (at least not yet), but you have to wonder about Mike Nolan as he heads into his third year at the helm. You can say the 49ers are a second-half team, but why do they ALWAYS look so unprepared when they take the field? Could you tell the difference between the team that played Saturday night and last year's squad, ignoring for the moment that Nolan and Hostler were supposedly getting a last good look at the current running back situation?
The Mike Nolan 49ers just seem to always be playing on their heels right after the coin toss, and I have no idea why. Nolan knows he needs to come up with some answers this season, because if the 49ers go below .500 without any major injuries to point to, his time may be up somewhat sooner than expected (not after this year, but maybe sooner than you would think).
And with that, I'm off to go get a beer with Rex and Orton. Next week's Hit List will be a bit shorter and more concise. Please leave me comments, as feedback is a beautiful thing. As I leave you guys, here is a list of who I liked and didn't like in Saturday's game against Chicago:
Smittay will buy you a beer: Isaac Sopoaga, Patrick Willis, Joe Staley, Manny Lawson, Nate Clements, Derek Smith and Ashley Lelie (seriously, he's your No. 3, Nolan ... make the change).
Tim Rattay will be calling you to borrow money: Walt Harris, Shawntae Spencer, Kwame Harris, Joe Nedney, special teams for not being on top of punter Brad Maynard after he dropped the snap, and the coaching duo of Mike Nolan and Jim Hostler for not letting Mr. Smith throw more than eight passes.